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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Q: Hubby and I fighting and now everything doesn't seem right. Please help!!

My husband was previously married and had a child who he was around for 3 days because his wife kicked him out. Him and I are expecting our first child. He hasn't seen his other child and is not close. He has said before he doesn't feel like a father because he is not around and is not allowed to act like a father the few times he has gone to visit his child that lives out of state. Since our due date is getting closer we have been talking and now all of a sudden he says that he loves his son and our daughter the same. When before he said he loves him but only because he is his son since there is no relationship. I am upset because he will be around our daughter more and get to experience everything with our daughter so wouldnt the love and the bond be stronger? He said it would be the same. I am really worried because I don't want my daughter to have to compete for her dad to love her. He always compares everything to that situation with us and my pregnancy and the baby. am i wrong?

This question was asked May. 20, 2012 1:08pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (31)

Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 5:31pm

I can see were you think a few of them are alitle harsh, most are not. They are just giving their thoughts, sorry if you don't like them, but you asked. It sounds like you want people to agree with you and are getting mad because they aren't. I'm sorry but you are wrong and need to get over it. It's his child, he his going to be in your lives and you need to accept that and learn to love and accept his other child.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 5:05pm

I asked for honest answers. you can put things in a nice way. And for whoever said that i have posted these questions before I havent so quit assuming. Plus if any of you were in this situation I'm sure things would be different. This is supposed to be women supporting others not bashing them.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 5:01pm

Did you not want honest answers? You asked what we thought. We can sugar-coat it for you all you want, but whether we were rude or not, if you read through it, most of the responses have a similiar opinion of your situation. If you were looking for a bunch of women to totally agree with your view of the situation, that likely wasn't going to happen.

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Answered by Our1st - May. 20, 2012 4:28pm

I'm sorry sweetie, but I think you are just not happy because you are not getting the answer you want. Siblings or in this case half siblings, usually do not "compete" for love. It would be wrong of him NOT to love both the same. I think you are over reacting a bit.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 4:05pm

I have never posted a question like this before. This is my first time ever posting a question. I though the ppl on here are supposed to be supportive not be rude!

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 3:52pm

Yes, you are wrong. ALL children deserve to be loved by their parents. It surprises me that you wouldn't want your DH to have a relationship with his son. Obviously he will spend more time with the baby you are having, but that shouldn't mean that he can't love his son equally. He SHOULD love his children. You are being unreasonable and petty. You should encourage a relationship between him and his son. With all due respect, you choose to marry and have a child with a man with baggage...so you have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of that. I know in your eyes, your daughter would be more important, but to him, he will now have TWO children...both of whom he should love. As a mom, you should respect that. I think that some couples counseling would be beneficial for both of you. It's only going to get more difficult when the baby arrives, so you need to get these issues worked on now.

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 3:00pm

im afraid hormones may be getting the best of you. step back or go for a walk and think things through... if he has never seen this other child and doesnt have any contact...why would you be concerned with your daughter "competing" for his attention ? why dont you want him to love his other child ? maybe this pregnancy is opening his eyes... and now he sees that his son IS his child who SHOULD be loved. a child that grew just like the one you are pregnant with now...and needs his father just like the one you are pregnant with now..... do u know what i mean...?

good luck!!

it seems like your husband needs some support and yes maybe some counselling he may be confused and troubled, or feeling guilty with the whole situation. try to support him and encourage him to visit his child. fathers have rights so she cant just turn him away....

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 3:00pm

Sometimes it takes a direct approach..Ive talk with this person before and tipped toed around the real answer. She has posted things like this in the past...so clearly...the nicey nice way isnt the way that gets her attention. This is stupid and ridiculous. Its an argument about the love for a fathers child... I can't be the only one that thinks this is weird and for a mother to be jealous about this...clearly this family needs help from professionals..not us women on here. Truth hurts..but once you hear it as is..sometimes its easier to either prove someone wrong..or realize your problem.

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Answered by mjjmbnmm - May. 20, 2012 2:48pm

I don't understand why you are upset about your dh loving his children equally, that's the way it should be. They are both his children and your daughters brother, you should be encouraging a relationship. I hope you get it figured out. Good luck!

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Answered by a member - May. 20, 2012 2:41pm

While I think that the previous post was unnecessarily aggressive and unhelpful, I agree that this problem is too big for an online forum to help you with. Have you considered relationship counselling? It can be very helpful, especially during pregnancy when there are all sorts of things that can put strain on a relationship. It's important for a parent to love all their children equally, whatever the situation - though it sounds like there are lots of other complications with your husband's relationship with his son which are bothering you. There are clearly many details in this situation that need working through with time and the advice of a professional. Really hope you manage to work it out, all the best.

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