The green monster of jealousy.
Having one of your best friends pregnant with you is a fun experience. You can call each other and vent about the horrors with complete understanding of one another, and also share about the amazing experience you are both having.
I’m entering week 10, and she is entering week 20. 10 weeks apart, really only two and a half months but in pregnancy it’s actually a nice sized gap.
Today, she was able to find out the gender of the baby and though I have been so excited to find out along with her and the ideas floating around my brain for the theme direction the gender was going to give me for the shower, I have to admit I was slightly jealous.
I know part of it is my hormones. Which I have to admit to you, they’re pretty entertaining. The Mr. informed me last night that I have a slight temper now which he is finding hilarious. I of course looked at him in shock and horror. Me? And he explained that I just snap, not hatefully but for instance he was doing something like tapping his foot yesterday and I asked him to please stop and he smiled and did it again (like a two year old) and I blurted out “STOP!, I have already asked you once nicely!” To which he laughed. Looking back, I laugh and agree that maybe my hormones are a little more active than normal and that maybe my patience level is not where it normally is and after 4 years of marriage, I should know that sometimes the Mr. just wants to annoy me in a playful way.
But not only is it that, but I can cry at a moments notice, or have a jealous bone kick into gear without hesitation.
Going back to the jealous streak that hit me just right today, the Mr. and I have always dreamed that we would have a girl, but as soon as the pregnancy started we both just felt it was a boy. We’ll see if we’re wrong in the end. I’ll be happy with either, really I will. But, there is something about a girl. My mom and I get along so well, I talk to her almost every day and yes there are days she annoys every fiber of my being. In the end there is nothing like talking to my mom.
A boy, a boy carries on our family name. A boy could have my heart and I’d melt every time I looked at him. He would never be my best friend like my mom is to me, but my brother and mom have a special relationship that’s pretty amazing, and I could hope that it would be just as good as theirs.
Anyway, my best friend immediately texted me after her appointment, with the news. She’s having a girl. And yes, I’m unbelievably excited for her and her husband, however there is a part of me that thinks “but I wanted a girl” even though I’d be happy with either.
Maybe it’s just the 10 week hormones kicking in. Or maybe it’s truly a small fit of jealousy. Either way, does it make me horrible? Or does it just make me 10 weeks pregnant and not fully able of controlling my emotions and feelings?
Anyway, I hope the rest of you 10 weekers are going the motions well and the nausea and such are slowing. I think we all have a while for the hormones getting back to a normal level.