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Can't get this out of my mind...
By stephc2010 » Posted Sep. 9, 2015 9:35pm - 482 views - 8 comments

I've been thinking about this a lot lately... Both my husband and I are so excited to be having our 2nd baby. This pregnancy was a (very happy!) surprise. My daughter just turned 1 in August, and by the time this baby gets here, she'll be about 21 months. We originally talked about trying for a Fall/Winter baby literally a few weeks before I got pregnant.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm starting to feel guilty that Allison isn't going to get the one on one attention that I had wanted for her for as long as I planned. She's such a sweetheart already, and I know she won't mind having to "share" me. I know she'll make a great older sister, she loves playing with other kids. I just worry about how *I'm* going to feel having to share my attention between two babies. I mentioned this to my husband, and he said he understood what I meant, but that even if we would have waited until Allison was 3 or 4, I would probably still feel like this. And he's right. I've been reading a lot online about women who feel guilty with their 2nd pregnancy, or even their 3rd or 4th, or so on. I'm so grateful to get to experience pregnancy again, I know a there are a lot of women who would do anything to experience this. And that makes me feel even more guilty... I loved being pregnant (I was never sick the first time, haha!). I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and this baby was meant to come into our lives at this time, even if it's earlier than I had anticipated. I'm really hoping to get out of this weird funk soon. I think the fact that I'm homesick doesn't help much (I'm in Maryland, my parents are in New Mexico).

And another thing... I've coslept with my daughter since she was a few months old and have recently been laying her in her crib at night instead of in the bed with me. She still wakes to nurse, but last night I was on the verge of tears. I just want to cuddle her as much as I can, I had to fight the urge to not pick her back up and bring her to bed with me. I tossed and turned until she woke up to nurse and jumped up immediately and brought her to bed with me... I'm now thinking I don't want her in her crib just yet...Ugh. So many emotions right now! :(

Comments for this Journal Entry

	Comment from lala_0412 » Posted Sep. 15, 2015 4:48pm It's strange because my first two are a year and 6 days apart. So my oldest just turned one when I brought her little brother home. I pampered her with soo much love before he was born. When I brought him home I went into defense mode on her and I felt horrible. I remember her walking up to him, looking at him, and then popping him in the face. I instantly said "NO NO!" in a harsh tone and I felt SOO horrible. After that moment I realized they both will love me equally as much as I loved them. There is no reason to feel like one will get more attention then the other. And just remind yourself. Babies aren't babies forever. And yes your daughter is still young but she's knows you are momma. We feel more emotions then our kids. Like when they are sick, we pitty ourselves on their pain when in actuality, they probably don't feel THAT BAD. Just continue to shower her with love. I am having my fourth and I don't love any one of my kids any different then I love the other!
	Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 5:31pm Thanks M.Gulud! I'm definitely stealing snuggles when she'll let me. :)
	Comment from M.gulud » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 5:12pm I've read other ladies say their youngest child gets needy when they get pregnant again. Even if that's not true, get your snuggles in. You can't spoil a child with snuggles. They will tell you when they have had enough. I promise even if this was a year from now that you'd feel the same way. So snuggle, snuggle, snuggle!
	Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 3:16pm Thanks for your responses ladies! It makes me realize that I'm definitely not alone. Just today, we were out and about and Allison was walking around and playing with all the other kids. She didn't want to leave, she was having so much fun! I know she'll be a great big sister, and I'm hoping the transition will be smooth for her. I just remember when she was a newborn, I was so exhausted and was sleeping nearly any time she was. Breastfeeding was so demanding at first. I just worry about how I'll handle her running around and trying to care for a newborn on very little sleep!
	Comment from pbc910 » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 1:54pm While I don't have any children of my own, yet, I have often thought about this over the last several years with my stepkids. Somehow, it all works out and depending on their needs, each kid gets the attention they need. We make a point to spend alone time with each one when we can so they can feel special and not always feel like another sibling is tagging along. It doesn't matter if kids are newborns, 3, 12, 17...they all want our attention and will find whatever way to do it. It's probably harder to do this with a very young child but I've been very upfront with my stepkids about introducing two new babies and let them know that even though my attention will be changing it doesn't mean anything other than a baby/babies need more time and care than 3 teenagers!
	Comment from SarahEMcCormick » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 7:23am Also - I too live far away from my family - I'm in Florida, and my mother and whole family is in Massachusetts. I've been here for 13 years, but it doesn't make being homesick any easier - I miss the surroundings, and I miss my mom - but I'm happy to be here in this place, with my amazing husband and awesome children.
	Comment from SarahEMcCormick » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 7:22am Hey there. I just read your journal and wanted to comment really quick. Being that I'm a mom of 4, and this is my 5th pregnancy, I can honestly say I understand where you're coming from. Anytime you add a new addition to the family, it's always a guessing game as to how the other children are going to feel. We beat ourselves up wondering, 'are they going to feel left out?' and, 'will I be able to offer up enough attention to each child?' After all of this time, even with my family being as large as it is, I somehow still find a way to devote lots of time and attention to each of my children, and spend time talking about their day with them, and just be there for each of them. It's a nice feeling once you find the balance - and things will ultimately fall into place as they should. If your daughter experiences any sort of jealousy towards the new baby, give her some extra special attention and love, lots of hugs, and kisses. Where she's so young, it should be a smooth transition. :) GL!
	Comment from thomasanddawnxoxo » Posted Sep. 9, 2015 11:43pm My youngest is 17 and I feel guilty too! So I think its normal. I feel like she might think I'm done with her now that she's older and starting a new family. Ugh. I know she doesn't feel that way though. We project a lot on our kids don't we?