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Amanda_McDaniel's Pregnancy
My Due Date: March 1, 2016I have given birth!
Age: 37 years old
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Prayers Needed
By Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Sep. 7, 2015 8:00pm - 561 views - 12 comments
Any of you who read my journal a few weeks ago regarding the cancellation of my gender reveal plans read my reference to a brother who, for all intents and purposes was deceased to me. Well I am both heartbroken and guilt-ridden to say that now it is both figurative and literal. My brother Adam, at only 37 years old, passed away in his sleep on Friday morning. Though we had more or less been estranged since 2012, I wholeheartedly believe in miracles and, on that morning, a giant chunk of my life's hope died in that bed right alongside one of the kindest, most loving men I'll ever know. The only fortunate notes, I guess, would be that he was a born-again believer in Christ and he's finally free of the demons who, at the end, dogged his every step. However, guilt has already begun to eat me up inside. Not only am I feeling chastened for being an awful sister, I'm also beginning to question my decency as a human being. I have done nothing but cry and reflect for days now... As part of my penance, I'm arranging for him a memorial service tomorrow evening. I am not a good public speaker but I owe it to him to admit in front of family and friends what I selfishly withheld from him while he was alive. And going through the pictures of our childhood... oh, dear Jesus... I hurt in a place down deep that I didn't even know I had. His viewing is on Wednesday night and I can already tell you that it won't be how I pictured our reunion... Please pray for me. I'm hoping the stress hasn't been too much on the baby...
My Journal
Prayers Needed
By Amanda_McDaniel » Posted Sep. 7, 2015 8:00pm - 561 views - 12 comments
Any of you who read my journal a few weeks ago regarding the cancellation of my gender reveal plans read my reference to a brother who, for all intents and purposes was deceased to me. Well I am both heartbroken and guilt-ridden to say that now it is both figurative and literal. My brother Adam, at only 37 years old, passed away in his sleep on Friday morning. Though we had more or less been estranged since 2012, I wholeheartedly believe in miracles and, on that morning, a giant chunk of my life's hope died in that bed right alongside one of the kindest, most loving men I'll ever know. The only fortunate notes, I guess, would be that he was a born-again believer in Christ and he's finally free of the demons who, at the end, dogged his every step. However, guilt has already begun to eat me up inside. Not only am I feeling chastened for being an awful sister, I'm also beginning to question my decency as a human being. I have done nothing but cry and reflect for days now... As part of my penance, I'm arranging for him a memorial service tomorrow evening. I am not a good public speaker but I owe it to him to admit in front of family and friends what I selfishly withheld from him while he was alive. And going through the pictures of our childhood... oh, dear Jesus... I hurt in a place down deep that I didn't even know I had. His viewing is on Wednesday night and I can already tell you that it won't be how I pictured our reunion... Please pray for me. I'm hoping the stress hasn't been too much on the baby...
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Lolo1176 » Posted Sep. 11, 2015 7:29pm Oh sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family. I know it will be hard but try to remember the positive memories. *HUGS* |
 | Comment from mcorinnes » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 12:40pm My thoughts are with you along this rough journey!!! |
 | Comment from hoopla23 » Posted Sep. 10, 2015 12:17pm I'm incredibly sorry for your loss :( |
 | Comment from lala_0412 » Posted Sep. 9, 2015 4:09pm I am very sorry for your loss. Do not fill your head with negative thoughts but of those of happy memories. May peace be with your family during this time. {biggest hugs} |
 | Comment from HzlGreenEyes » Posted Sep. 9, 2015 11:10am I'm so sorry for your loss. <3 |
 | Comment from pbc910 » Posted Sep. 8, 2015 12:54pm Prayers to you and your family. |
 | Comment from MalPal85 » Posted Sep. 8, 2015 10:51am So sorry for your loss! |
 | Comment from stephc2010 » Posted Sep. 8, 2015 9:10am I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. |
