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Quartz3's Pregnancy
My Due Date: May 30, 2015I have given birth!
Age: 40 years old
Location: Canada
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Family Drama
By Quartz3 » Posted Dec. 29, 2014 2:52pm - 569 views - 5 comments
I hate drama. I'm a freaking adult and I think drama bullshit should be left to teenagers... but clearly, not everyone thinks so.
My in-laws live a 10-hour car ride away, which means we don't see them all that often. We usually visit once a year, and they visit once a year. It's all fine by us. It's complicated for us (especially with a 16-month-old now), but we appreciate it's still a drag for them.
And my MIL LOVES our son. Like, she's crazy in love. Or not really - the problem is, she's in love with the idea of a baby, and that has sort of deprived her of all common sense. She loves him so much she thinks he loves her just as much, although he's only seen her a couple of times in his whole life. She talks about him like she knows him (he can do this already, and his favorite food is this food... and of course most of the time she's wrong), and argues if we try to tell her otherwise. Plus, she keeps doing these things that make us not trust her enough to leave her alone with baby - like improperly installing a car seat in her car, giving medication bottles to baby for him to play with, or give him her lipstick for him to play with while in a moving car. And she keeps buying him clothes without any regard for seasons and sizes, which means we have a bunch of never-worn clothes taking up space at home (she doesn't mind, but we do), and when we ask her for things that we'd really like but she doesn't find all that exciting (like cloth diapers), she says that would be too complicated and she'd rather buy clothes. When we visit, all she keeps talking about is inviting all her friends and family over so she can show him around (said showing around resulted in a panicked baby after 10 minutes at Christmas last year) and completely neglects the fact that this is a person with needs, and not a freaking doll.
We're not visiting my in-laws this year for the holidays, and my MIL mentioned she might come over between Christmas and New Years. She called us in the afternoon on the 26 to ask if it was still okay for her to come. Problem was, we're working today and tomorrow and had assumed she wasn't coming - we talked to her on the 22 and the 25 and she didn't say anything! So we explained we'd be working and Kiddo was going to be at daycare, so it wouldn't be much fun for her. She asked if she could babysit for those two days and we said no because, as mentioned above, we don't trust her and our son DOESN'T KNOW HER!
Well, she cried and had to have a loooong discussion with my boyfriend. She feels like the title of grandmother makes her competent to take care of a baby and that we are being controling and are trying to prevent her from forming a relationship with her grandson. She feels we should visit more often because we spent 3 months in Australia when our son was 6 months old, so obviously it's not so hard to travel with him. She feels we're never satisfied with what she does regarding baby and are constantly criticizing her.
By the end of the conversation it seemed she had understood that she was always welcome to visit but that we weren't going to leave our baby with someone who gives him medication to play with and he barely ever sees, especially one who never ever takes his needs into account.
And obviously, with baby two possibly coming next year, she's insisting we're going to need her help and she's going to be spending weeks here with us.... When our son was born, we let her visit when he was a week old because she couldn't wait 5 weeks until my boyfriend returned to work, when I really was going to need help. I certainly don't want her in the way when we have two babies to deal with, and it frustrates me to the highest point that she won't let me have my freaking moment with my newborn and my son because she feels that moment is hers, and that she will not respect our wishes.
That type of behaviour is typical of a teenager and I'm angry, damn it.
My Journal
Family Drama
By Quartz3 » Posted Dec. 29, 2014 2:52pm - 569 views - 5 comments
I hate drama. I'm a freaking adult and I think drama bullshit should be left to teenagers... but clearly, not everyone thinks so.
My in-laws live a 10-hour car ride away, which means we don't see them all that often. We usually visit once a year, and they visit once a year. It's all fine by us. It's complicated for us (especially with a 16-month-old now), but we appreciate it's still a drag for them.
And my MIL LOVES our son. Like, she's crazy in love. Or not really - the problem is, she's in love with the idea of a baby, and that has sort of deprived her of all common sense. She loves him so much she thinks he loves her just as much, although he's only seen her a couple of times in his whole life. She talks about him like she knows him (he can do this already, and his favorite food is this food... and of course most of the time she's wrong), and argues if we try to tell her otherwise. Plus, she keeps doing these things that make us not trust her enough to leave her alone with baby - like improperly installing a car seat in her car, giving medication bottles to baby for him to play with, or give him her lipstick for him to play with while in a moving car. And she keeps buying him clothes without any regard for seasons and sizes, which means we have a bunch of never-worn clothes taking up space at home (she doesn't mind, but we do), and when we ask her for things that we'd really like but she doesn't find all that exciting (like cloth diapers), she says that would be too complicated and she'd rather buy clothes. When we visit, all she keeps talking about is inviting all her friends and family over so she can show him around (said showing around resulted in a panicked baby after 10 minutes at Christmas last year) and completely neglects the fact that this is a person with needs, and not a freaking doll.
We're not visiting my in-laws this year for the holidays, and my MIL mentioned she might come over between Christmas and New Years. She called us in the afternoon on the 26 to ask if it was still okay for her to come. Problem was, we're working today and tomorrow and had assumed she wasn't coming - we talked to her on the 22 and the 25 and she didn't say anything! So we explained we'd be working and Kiddo was going to be at daycare, so it wouldn't be much fun for her. She asked if she could babysit for those two days and we said no because, as mentioned above, we don't trust her and our son DOESN'T KNOW HER!
Well, she cried and had to have a loooong discussion with my boyfriend. She feels like the title of grandmother makes her competent to take care of a baby and that we are being controling and are trying to prevent her from forming a relationship with her grandson. She feels we should visit more often because we spent 3 months in Australia when our son was 6 months old, so obviously it's not so hard to travel with him. She feels we're never satisfied with what she does regarding baby and are constantly criticizing her.
By the end of the conversation it seemed she had understood that she was always welcome to visit but that we weren't going to leave our baby with someone who gives him medication to play with and he barely ever sees, especially one who never ever takes his needs into account.
And obviously, with baby two possibly coming next year, she's insisting we're going to need her help and she's going to be spending weeks here with us.... When our son was born, we let her visit when he was a week old because she couldn't wait 5 weeks until my boyfriend returned to work, when I really was going to need help. I certainly don't want her in the way when we have two babies to deal with, and it frustrates me to the highest point that she won't let me have my freaking moment with my newborn and my son because she feels that moment is hers, and that she will not respect our wishes.
That type of behaviour is typical of a teenager and I'm angry, damn it.
Comments for this Journal Entry
 | Comment from Papas~Mama » Posted Dec. 30, 2014 11:33pm Ah, sounds like fun:) You have every right to tell her if you want her to be there or not be there right away after your baby is born. It's your home, your life and your baby and you hold all of the power in that situation. You obviously already communicate with her even if it hurts her feelings so you should be able to tell her what you need to tell her. Just tell her that's the way it is. However, you may need help right away if your bf can't be there because of work or whatever, so you may want to keep your options open. You could also try to give her another chance, as long as she knows all of the things you think are appropriate and inappropriate are respected. She doesn't have to be on the shitlist forever if she can promise to respect your wishes and prove to you during your times together that she means it. GL with everything, and I hope you get your wish to have your privacy immediately after the birth! That is a very special time for us as mothers... |
 | Comment from Quartz3 » Posted Dec. 30, 2014 8:17am Wow, it's good to know I'm not alone! (Sianny, seriously, BEER????) At least my boyfriend and I are on the same page regarding the situation, so I can let him deal with the situation with his mom! |
 | Comment from Sianny » Posted Dec. 30, 2014 6:26am Same here! My MIL thinks chocolate and sweets are better than food, that a sip of beer won't hurt and that no matter how many times I tell her he's almost 3 which means 2-3 year old clothes is no good. Luckily although she lives close she's too lazy to bother me all the time. Now that Thea is here though my son has been basically cat aside by her and I've made a point of telling her it's not right... not that she listens. There is no (legal) cure for MILs but at least you know you're not alone lol. Hang in there hunni x x |
 | Comment from darladybug » Posted Dec. 30, 2014 6:14am Omg, it sounds like my life!!!! Only switch MIL to mother and a 10 hour trip to 15 minutes! But, really other than that, they sound like the same person! You have every right to be angry and frustrated. I'm sure you know that. Just stand your ground. She may eventually settle down. |
 | Comment from JaxyBoBaxy » Posted Dec. 29, 2014 3:54pm Wow. What does your husband think of all of this? This all makes me grateful for my MIL who is nuts (in her own way) and refuses to be called "grandma", but freaking loves her grandchildren like insane and CAN be trusted to pay attention to them and change a diaper if needed. |
