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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by kaylia2oo5

Q: How to deal with not-so-happy In-laws...

I'm having troubles with my in-laws, and am not sure what to do about it! All of my family, DH, etc are super excited about the upcoming arrival of our new baby. He/she was planned, we went to an infertility clinic to get pregnant, etc. We also miscarried last year, and it should come as no shock to anyone that we were TTC.
DH's family are being complete asses about it. Last year when we miscarried, his mother made a comment about how she would NOT congratulate us, as congratulations was NOT in order. We both work, have our own house, are getting married next year, etc., so she has no reason to think that.
When we told her this time, she didn't say congrats or anything, and hasn't really been involved at all. When DH mentions it, she ignores it. What do we do??!! I'm to the point of feeling like I never want her around this baby, OR myself anymore!!!!!!!

This question was asked May. 1, 2012 8:51pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (16)

Answered by klara2222 - May. 2, 2012 11:29am

Well, as they say, you can pick your friends and pick your nose, but you can't pick your family. If this is causing you stress and upset, it's time to step back and not engage with them for a while. If they want the relationship with you, your better half and your little one, they will eventually step up and initiate contact. If not, as a lot of the other respondents have said, you don't need the stress, heartache and frustration of dealing with all this right now. Take care of yourself first - if they come around, fine. If not, at least you won't be exposed to the negativity. *big hugs*

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Answered by tgreene - May. 2, 2012 3:38am

My mil is the exact same way i say you stand firm and ask her what's her problem dont be afraid to speak your mind get it off yoir chest and she doesnt have to be involved in your childs life my mil isn't and uts one if the best moves we ever made she's a negative person and children don't newd to be around thay

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Answered by Stellar222 - May. 2, 2012 3:06am

Maybe you should ask her. Just be prepared for what she might say. She might say a lot of things that you don't like and some that get you thinking - which could be more stress than you need right now. She's always going to be in your life...and she sounds passive aggressive so this is a tough situation. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you strength and happiness. Pregnancy is hard enough without family or friends making it tough. *luck and prayers*

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Answered by jenniferose88 - May. 2, 2012 12:40am

Sounds alot like my mother-in-law. She's excited about the baby coming, but for some reason she has it in her head that she needs to tell us what we need to be doing. And she is intentionally trying to start drama between my husband and I. She did this right before our wedding too, I've come to the conclusion that she feels like I'm taking her son away from her, so she needs to treat me like crap for it. Like JessicaWall1 said, my husband won't let me talk to her until she chills out, and he's about to tell her that if she has a problem, she's not going to get to see her grand daughter. Good luck, I know it's tough!

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Answered by a member - May. 1, 2012 10:41pm

If I'm not mistaken...you guys are in the middle of some really big things. I believe one of your other post said that he has been detached from his other child that doesn't live with you guys...and that you were not sure if you want him to try and get this kiddo...Also..I think you said something about him not helping you enough around the house and with other things...With that being said...maybe the mother in law is just worried that you guys don't have your stuff together. ? So...maybe just sit down and talk to her. Ask her where this is coming from..and clarify a few things with her. Grandparents are connected to our children along with us. Maybe the other childs situation is hitting her hard.?

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Answered by JessicaWall11 - May. 1, 2012 10:08pm

For one congratulations. I wish I knew how to help. But Im having multiple Issues with my In Laws. My SIL is 34 weeks along and when we told them back in January that we were pregnant with number it all of a sudden became a contest to her. MIL doesnt talk to me unless she has something snide to say. We have been having problems with them since my husband and I got married back in '10. He finally said Im not allowed to have anything to do with them until they cool their jets. I wish I had some advice, but I dont know how stern you are so I dont wanna over step.

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