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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by ShockedSuprised

Q: What do I do when he is so distant?

Me and my partner were in a good place, not wanting kids because I have 4 already and he was not in a place to want any yet. So we were fine because I tied my tubes, but surprise i am the 1-200 that got pregnant anyways. He is still a great man, and the best texting supporter ever, but that is all. we are in a totally different place and its like we are not even friends sometimes, he keeps saying its because we are on a new journey but why is having a baby just putting more space between us?? I miss my best friend in him and feel so responsible and I really feel alone....

This question was asked Apr. 5, 2017 8:52pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answered by pheobe412 - Mar. 29, 2018 9:19am
Well this is a kind of behavioral fault in your partner ex wife's mind. She really don't want those children to get attach with you because in one way or other she wants to torture your partner and his XH. You just need to be prepared for some hate in the house now because the women don't want things to settle. But you just need to calm down in this situation because your partner only has you as a good hope now and if you behave same way like them than it's going to be a disaster for him. Just keep calm and wait the things to get normal or her to get used to with it.

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Answered by pheobe412 - Mar. 13, 2018 1:27am
I think it's a time issue. You too are busy in your lives. As you have four kids. You just need to work hard for them. Even if your are house wife. You'll feel very tired after whole day. Similar is the condition with him. I think it's going to be like that for a while. You just need to be sure that it's nothing like something is bothering him. Maybe it's very good for you. you just need to spend more time together. You could go to some vacations dear. Otherwise some years it's going to be like that. You have to face it.

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Answered by Mammoth - Apr. 11, 2017 10:52am
PS I would say also keep arranging to talk to him about it. I feel like it's better to say, "I really feel like we need to talk about how we need to adapt to what is happening. When would be good?" Rather than just launching into a full blown conversation. It's quite emotive for you both and you need to feel you can both be honest, but also that you can both show sensitivity and understanding for one another.

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Answered by Mammoth - Apr. 11, 2017 10:47am
It's a big adjustment for you both to make. Give him time to get his head around it. My husband and I had major infertility issues and so baby was clearly wanted.... but I still felt that he didn't adjust too easily to the changes. I worried that he wouldn't know how to support me during pregnancy/ labour and wouldn't know what to do once baby was born. I bought him the Handbook for Expectant Dads and signed us up for NCT Antenatal classes. We also both went to hypnobirthing sessions and attended a home birth group. Now that we have 3-8 weeks to go, I feel like he's on board and we're stronger than ever. But I do clearly remember that gulf between us earlier on and feeling worried that my pregnancy/ birth/ baby was somehow just my responsibility and he was just going to let me get on with it without support/ interference. We both realised that we had to make changes.

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