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Q: Not Happy With My Marriage. What Do I Do?

My husband and I got married in September after a two year engagement. I knew from the start that I didn't love him enough but I told myself I was being stupid. He's a wonderful man. Very sweet. Very loving. I'm not good enough for him. Shortly after we were married we started trying for a baby. I kept telling myself that I did love him, I was just in a funk. So what if I didn't feel a spark? He's a great man. He'll be a great father and companion. I won't find better.That's what I told myself. I know it was wrong. There is no reason for me not to love him. He is in all respects, the perfect husband. I just know I'm not in love with him. I am almost 16 weeks pregnant and I can't stand the thought of living like this forever. I also feel like if I leave now he'll think all I wanted was a baby. I know this isn't just hormones as most of you will say, I've felt this way for a long time. What do I do? I feel like the worst person in the world for not wanting this man. I wish I loved him.

This question was asked Mar. 4, 2013 3:07am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (20)

Answered by FirstTimeMommyx0 - Mar. 6, 2013 4:57am

I can't believe the responses to this question. You are just trying to find some advice on your situation on what you should do, not for anybody's opinion on the situation regardless how anyone feels about this, this is your life and they don't know you! It's already done, you already married this guy, your already pregnant, you can't change it now, all you can do is fix it! The best thing to do is just be completely honest with your husband and just tell him how you feel.. It's not fair for either of you to stay in this marriage and he deserves to know how you are feeling. Yes it does suck your baby won't have parents who are together but its not the end of the world and at least it will be easier on your child if you divorce him now or when your baby is very young since your child wouldn't be use to guys actually being together and hopefully you guys will stay civil and just move on and both find happiness :) good luck!

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Answered by mrykayser - Mar. 5, 2013 12:45am

I'm sorry but u don't marry someone you don't love. That's not fair to the other person. And then to bring a baby into the equation. I think u did something terribly wrong and need to tell him the truth. He will probably leave you but u won't care anyways cause you don't love him anyways.
He deserves to be with a women who truly loves him

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Answered by Razzle_ - Mar. 4, 2013 8:45pm

I definitely agree with those who suggest therapy, I could be wrong here but it sounds as though you feel like you don't deserve the love your husband provides so perhaps your issues stem from how you see yourself and you could at least give yourself a chance to explore every possibility.
I wish you all the best and hope that you can find peace in the right decision.

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Answered by -Lee-B - Mar. 4, 2013 5:51pm

I would likely try a therapist to help you really sit and think things through in a non-biased manner. Sadly at times like this friends, family and internet postings can result in a lot of confusing responses that won't get you far.

In the least a therapist can help you work through everything, clarify things and help you make the best choice...AND have the added benefit to help you not divorce this husband and just marry the next person with the same outcome.

By the way, despite the peoples responses on here I can assure you that you are not the first person to marry someone and come to the same conclusion afterwards. You won't be the last. The best you can do now is to work to fix the situation in the best possible outcome for all.

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Answered by kCharleneS - Mar. 8, 2013 3:12am

I'm so glad to see that you and your husband talked. Ignore the people bashing. There's a saying my mom taught me, "you can love someone, but not be IN love with someone." It's very hard to distinguish between the two. But it's great to see you two are working this out and that he now knows how you feel. It's true about the pregnancy making your feelings worse. good luck and I wish you the best!

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Answered by truestar070 - Nov. 8, 2013 1:51pm

You gotta to be honest with yourself and him. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. I am sure you two can reach some suitable (for both of you) agreements.

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Answered by a member - Mar. 4, 2013 2:33pm

(cont'd) and at the very least tell him what you are feeling/dealing with. If he's as loving as you say, it sounds like he will try to work with you to make things better/right. If you tell him that you are going to seek counseling to deal with and sort your real feelings, I would think he would be supportive. Good luck, I hope you make the decision that is best for your baby.

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Answered by BGGirl - Mar. 4, 2013 3:41pm

Okay.. I don't think it is okay for people to sit behind their anon computers and pass judgment on someone that they know very little about. You asked for advice/help not people's personal opinions as if they have never made some bad choices in life....

That said, you do have a tough decision on your hands. While going through with the marriage when you were that unsure may not have been the best choice- it is done and now must be dealt with.. first of all being very honest with your husband is really the only fair thing for him. However you can then decide together that you would like to work on it TOGETHER to see if you can figure out what is keeping your feelings the way you want to with a therapist or family counselor, or you can decide together to part ways and make the best friendship/relationship that you can for the sake of the child. Either way is going to be a lot of work on both your parts. But nothing worth doing is ever easy. Good luck.

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Answered by a member - Mar. 4, 2013 1:24pm

I did same thing with my first husband. I thought I'd eventually love him like he loved me but it never happened. I wanted to be married and have a family and he loved me and I thought my feelings would change. I lived 5 years not miserable but not happy. Being pregnant definitely makes things more complicated. I think you should sit down and figure out what you want. Divorce I'd hard for kids but so seeing a bad marriage isn't healthy either. you are not a horrible person people make mistakes.

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Answered by a member - Mar. 4, 2013 12:59pm

to be perfectly honest, you are one of the worst people in the world, but not the absolute worst. You need to talk to him and tell him the TRUTH.....he deserves that much seeing as you have been lying to him and yourself for so many years. After you tell him the truth about how you have been feeling for the last few years and not just when you got pregnant you can discuss what you will do next like grown ups. Maybe if you guys talked more and were more communicative this would not have happened in the first place.....he deserves better....your child deserves better....and you need to start thinking of others more than just yourself. This was a selfish choice and you need to own up to it and just tell him the truth.

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