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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by Kfinzue

Q: Am I being too stubborn, or should I stick to my guns?

I have been with my fiancÃ© just under three years now, and things are going amazing for us. Things weren't always going so well though and it mainly had to do with his family creating drama. He is a twin, and his brother is insanely jealous of any woman my fiancÃ© has ever dated regardless of how good or bad the girl (including myself) is. His family treats him very poorly, and are both mentally/emotionally abusive, as well as physically. His family believes I am 'controlling' because he chooses not to drink anymore (he comes from a family of alcoholics). His brother has spread may rumors about me, and has even tried to beat me up and has threatened to kill me in the past, his mom and dad have said horrible mean things about me and are extremely disrespectful. As of the beginning of this year I have completely removed myself from talking or seeingn them. I took a big stap and visited them for the 4th of July and they completely ignored me. They are so

This question was asked Aug. 14, 2012 11:54pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (9)

Answered by ginabee - Aug. 16, 2012 12:00pm

You need to do what's best for your child, and what makes you most comfortable. Especially if they abuse alcohol or any other substance.

My MIL means well, but she has a history of prescription drug abuse and has been told that she will not be allowed to babysit our child or be alone with him for any amount of time because of this. She's in denial and won't accept this as the reason, but we are sticking to our guns and will not let her babysit until she gets serious help. Don't give in because of how they feel, especially if they've never cared about your feelings.

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Answered by Baby_Harris - Aug. 16, 2012 4:26am

I feel if people can't respect you, they may not respect your child. And if they do, there's nothing saying that they will respect you in front of your child. You can't control what they say when you're not around. Good luck in whatever you decide.

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Answered by Baby_Harris - Aug. 16, 2012 4:24am

Personally, if someone has a problem with me but are all about my children, they're as*ed out. My bd's mentor/father figure, told him I was on drugs and using him and all sorts of things and told him he hopes the baby I'm carrying isn't his. My bd finally told him they needed a break and hasn't talked to him since. We've had ultrasounds and found out we're having a girl and he hasn't called or e-mailed him once regarding anything. I told him until his mentor apologized to me personally I would never allow him to see our daughter. I did feel bad saying this because this is the man who was his only father figure since he was 8, but I didn't do anything wrong and hadn't even been around the man before he started talking bad about me. What pushed him over the edge was he found out not only did I have a child already, but that she's disabled. No one can understand why he acts this way. Despite her disabilities she's is such a beautiful little girl that still brings a lot of joy. In the end

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Answered by Kfinzue - Aug. 15, 2012 1:27pm

I know that they're treating me "better" now purely because they want to be able to see the baby, and know I have no problem standing up and saying no. Part of the reason we don't get along is because I don't agree with their ass backwords ideals. They think if they plan nice I'll forget and let them in. I'm just so torn. I have a very strong connection with my family (I have 31 aunts and uncles, and 50+ cousins) that I want the same for my child, but not if those people are guenuanly bad. ):

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Answered by a member - Aug. 15, 2012 11:55am

Best of luck whichever route you take. I know from experience that it is a frustrating experience. Remember there is little logic on their part so trying to figure out why and how they can pretend they haven't done anything really won't help you! From what I've learned these types of people truly see themselves as the 'good guys' and you as the one always in the wrong so you can spend the rest of your life trying to defend yourself but it won't get you far.

Play hard ball...call them out to their face on EVERY THING they do. These types of people are not used to people confronting them...when they stop getting away with what they've gotten away with for so long they will stop (or choose to cut you all out of their life, as my husband's family has done).

It sucks, and I can't imagine putting up with it through pregnancy and the first years. Stay strong and keep baby, your fiance and yourself as #1 in all you do in regards to them.

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Answered by maggie22 - Aug. 15, 2012 11:04am

why dont you just ask them straight up....? how come you hate me but now that im pregnant you like me and are treating me with respect? i would, i couldnt hold my tounge..

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Answered by Kfinzue - Aug. 15, 2012 3:08am

He wants them in the babies life, but not them, just the THOUGHT of what a family SHOULD BE like. We knows they will give us Hell of they don't get to see it (and as often as they want when they want), but we know it's not safe to bring baby around them. I don't see why they think playing nice with me for three months before its born will make me forget the last two and a half years of treating us horribly.
Honestly I want my child's family to be in its life, but not if it means risking its safety or putting it in situations where people treat us poorly.

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Answered by a member - Aug. 15, 2012 12:25am

Does your fiance want his family involved in his child's life? If he does then you may have to work together with him to set some really big, really firm limits on when they see your child and what will be acceptable during visits etc. You can still have control of their influence on your child with them in the picture it will just be a long hard road. Up and leave when they are treating you poorly.

If you fiance is okay with his family not having contact with your baby then do as you feel is best.

I have similar inlaw issues and both my husband and I have not seen those family members for 2 years now. The invite to them still stands when they want to resume professional therapy we will be there, until then we can't have them in our life. A huge part of that decision (years before we had kids) was the realization that they were not people that I wanted in my child's life and neither of us wanted our child to grow up seeing the two of us treated so poorly.

best of luck

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Answered by Kfinzue - Aug. 15, 2012 12:00am

(CONT'D) they are so disrespectful and rude I feel there is no way I could take my baby around them. But since I have become pregnant they are suddenly 'nice' to me (they don't say mean things to my face, but still ignore me, and disrespect me and my fiancÃ©) they act like they are so excited for the baby. It offends me they are even excited quite frankly. I don't want to bring my kid about anyone who can't treat me or my fiancÃ© with respect, but wish things could be different. Even if they are sober I still don't trust them at all. They keep saying they are excited for my to have the baby, and they will spoil it and take it any time I need and I'm like "I'm sorry but I personally havent forgotten how shitty you've treated me..sorry.." how can they be so excited for the baby but hate me so much? I know it'll be the first grand baby but I don't care about anything but my child's health. Do you think I'm being too uptight?

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