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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by JESPA2

Q: Found out he's cheating and I'm 6 months pregnant, what now?

My SO and I have been together for 4 years, we are both 27 and I'm 6 months pregnant with a baby boy. I told him to go hang out with his buddies and have some guy time while I got some things done around the house. He came home very drunk.. he passed out on our bed and I grabbed his phone out of his trunk so he'd have his alarm to wake him up. Then I saw that he had notifications from an app called "kik". He had been sexting other girls and arranging a meeting with two different people for Tuesday while I was at work. They weren't just drunk conversations, he had been talking to them for days.

What do I do now? How do I go from a happy family to facing a child birth and my rest of my pregnancy alone. How do I even start to fathom having to do custody battles? How can I come to terms with my son having a broken family? Do I have to split custody 50/50? Do I even put him on the birth cert? How could he do this to us? I'm so hurt.. what do I do from here?

This question was asked Nov. 3, 2014 7:40pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (8)

Answered by Joriefm - Jan. 16, 2015 12:49am

Edit to my previous post **** I apologize for my insensitive use of the word "retarded". I used to get on my friends' case about doing that and here I am being rude. I hope I hadn't offended any one with my horrible choice in words. ****

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Answered by Joriefm - Jan. 16, 2015 12:48am

Trust is the main thing in a relationship, besides respect! If he doesn't respect you enough now - most likely he never will. This is the time he needs to be fully supportive of you and your growing family. I had the same thing happen to me with the father of my first two daughters. As a previous poster suggested, DO NOT let him sign that birth certificate and DO NOT give that child his last name! This baby may be his genetic material, but a DAD does not break apart his family. Any man can be a father, but it takes a REAL man to be a DAD! This is just my opinion of course. I feel your heart breaking, my poor dear. I'm sorry he hurt you like that. But one day at a time - you'll get through it. Transition slowly and do what your mind tells you to do! Don't listen to your heart, it's retarded lol Our hearts only FEEL they don't THINK. And now is the time to THINK! .. of the future. Be honest with yourself and make the decisions you must. It's all a grand game of chess. Best wishes!! :)

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Answered by mirandacrowell - Dec. 12, 2014 5:21am

do what your heart tells you to do. on one hand, sexting isnt sex, its just words. on the other hand, if he had to hide it from you, than its wrong. if you feel like you can never trust him again, kick his ass to the curb. if you really love him and think you can work through this, give it a try. at least make sure you confront him. women have been having babies alone for centuries, but all these ladies are more than happy to be here for you any way they can :) leaving him off the birth cert may make things easier for you if you decide to leave and have full custody. if you do decide to split from your bf, that doesnt mean you have to have a custody battle. many people can co-parent maturely without involving legal aid. bottom line, do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

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Answered by Bumpin4Baby - Nov. 4, 2014 3:34pm

Has this happened before?

I caught my DH talking to another girl (much younger) on FB and he even went to meet a girl at her work one day with a friend of his. All of this was when I was pg with our DD 5 years ago. He told me about the girl he met at her work or I would have not ever known. I was crushed and furious! I made him delete his FB for a whole year. I was going to leave him, but we managed to work things out. No other instances have came up since then. I am not saying that you should stay, but if this is the first incident maybe you both could work it out. Ask him why that he felt the need to talk to these girls and if he really truly loves you. Maybe you both could do some counseling! Love isn't always rainbows and butterflies. You have to work for it. It is so easy to give up, but if you truly love each other, it will be worth fighting for. Remind him of how you guys fell in love in the first place! If things do not change, kick his ass to the curb! :)

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Answered by rachdunn2011 - Nov. 4, 2014 2:22pm

that moment ya know? If you want to message me you can us mommies need to stick together. But I am proof that there will be a happy ending. Four years ago I met my husband we have been married for almost 3 years now and have a daughter whos a year and half and now Im almost six weeks pregnant! My husband would never cheat and is kind I never thought I would find my happy ending. Im not going to lie its going to be extremely hard and at times you will feel like giving up but do whats best for yourself and your child and get out now once a cheater always a cheater. I wish you the best of luck! Keep me posted hugs

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Answered by rachdunn2011 - Nov. 4, 2014 2:19pm

Sorry that you have to deal with this I could not imagine oh wait ya I did go through what you did once upon a time as well. First off if the two of you are not married get out now and DO NOT let him sign the birth certificate have the baby have your last name. TRUST ME ON THAT. Long story short I found myself pregnant at the age of 17 I found out he cheated on me with many including my COUSIN!!! For years I stayed my son has his last name. My breaking point was when my son was two. We bought a house together and were engaged! I came home TOO early from work and there was another girl I lost my marbles and ended up in jail for fighting! Never again! It was hard for years it was 6 months after that we went to court to set up custody. now almost 7 years later its been HELL we don't agree and he doesn't pay child support but because of the agreement we came up with he still take him 2-3 weekends a month. When and if you go to court think long term with him taking the little not just

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Answered by Papas~Mama - Nov. 4, 2014 12:50am

I'm so sorry:( What a bunch of crap to deal with. You'll have to deal with all of those things, but fortunately you won't have to deal with them all at once. Right now you just have to deal with your relationship. All of the rest will be dealt with in time, and you are still young and you will find someone who you can trust and be happy with. He'll still have to go on the birth certificate(unless he's not the father); that's a legality you can't get around, but as far as everything else you can kick him to the curb. Whether or not you split custody 50/50 will depend on a lot of things but will ultimately be up to the court(your choices and living situation affect this), and I would recommend talking to a counselor as soon as possible to help you deal with the serious emotional toll this will take on you and also to help you keep your stress down as much as possible the rest of your pregnancy. But I would nail that dude to the wall with child support;) Hope the best for you and baby...

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Answered by Fitbyjordan - Nov. 3, 2014 8:00pm

I am so sorry to hear that! With my son, we spilt up early on in my pregnancy. We had to do a paternity test and then go to child support office and set up custody rights and child support payments. I think it just depends on where you live.

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