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Category: Labour & Delivery

Asked by ladiomi

Q: How do I get family to respect my wishes for the labor/delivery of my first child?

I'm due in 1 month with my first child. It is the first grandchild for both my parents and my husbands parents. I DO NOT want anyone buy my husband in the room with me during labor and delivery, and I DO NOT want anyone even waiting at the hospital. I want the time to myself. I don't want/need anyone barging in until I am ready. I want the time to bond, and to try to nurse my baby for the first time without my parents or in-laws being there. This is about me, and yes some might consider me selfish. But I really don't care. My family completely understands and but some still are not respecting my wishes. My MIL, however, says she doesn't care, she's going to be there waiting. My husband keeps saying he's not sure things can or will work the way I want them to because he too is being disrespectful of my wishes going behind my back telling people he will call them when it happens and will take pictures and video during which I do not want.

This question was asked Nov. 5, 2014 3:17am
Category: Labour & Delivery

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Answers (7)

Answered by Papas~Mama - Nov. 7, 2014 11:03pm

You can have whoever you want or don't want in the delivery room, but unfortunately you can't dictate who can wait in a public waiting room of a hospital. The only way you can slightly control that is by not telling people when you go into labor. However if your husband is planning on telling people anyways, you have a different serious problem to deal with much bigger than who's in the waiting room. Birth is a private personal thing and you should absolutely be able to say who's in the delivery room with you, but someone was right when they said your husband may want or need the support of his family members, and he also reserves the right to want to share the birth of his child with people he loves. You don't have to let people into the room with you before or immediately after but you can't stop people from caring about you or your husband or your baby! Try to relax and think about this some more. You might have to compromise on some things for your husband; its his baby too.

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Answered by ladiomi - Nov. 6, 2014 1:44am

Thank you all for the feedback all are great answers I'm still pretty upset at the vast disrespect of my wishes so I'm trying to calm down before I talk to DH. I am just going to let both families know once more what is going to happen and leave it at that. I have decided to write a birth plan and talk to my nurse and security about no visitors until I say so. I hope that works but I know I'm usually a really nice person and DH thinks he is running the show even though he is not the patient I am so I have to put my foot down or else.

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Answered by cosmoholic - Nov. 5, 2014 5:39pm

It sounds like you and your partner need to come up with a plan that you're both happy with. He seems to have a different idea as to how the delivery will go, and without his support there's no way you will get your wishes.

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Answered by stephpan - Nov. 5, 2014 2:28pm

I don't think you are being selfish - but only advice I'll give - and this may be controversial - is that you have to learn to let go. Not everything is going to go the way you want it to - including family. You have to remember that these are people that love you and your partner and your baby. They are concerned about all of you. They don't have to be there with you during or even directly after - but if they want to come and wait in the waiting room for 19 hours - let them. You can make the decision about when they come in and leave. Also - your partner might need the extra support. That doesn't mean that you have to give a flying fuck about them, where they are, or their feelings. Just let it go - and concentrate on yourself and the baby. Let your partner handle your family and his at the hospital. When you are ready - tell him to let them know they can come back and meet this fabulous new addition to your family.

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Answered by emilykate93 - Nov. 5, 2014 1:47pm

I had that same problem when I had my son. The best advice I can give is don't tell any family memebers when you go into labor and head to the hospital. Wait until baby is here to notify them. Also let the nurses know you do not want any visitors during labor or immediately after. They will help keep people out of you're room but won't be able to stop them from waiting around in the waiting room.

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Answered by maggie22 - Nov. 5, 2014 10:50am

I don't think that's selfish. I think birth is a private thing and I think it's really weird to have a heap of people in the room staring at your vagina! Just don't tell anyone when you go into labour, I didnt. We rang people when we were good and ready to. If your husband cannot respect your wishes that's pretty horrible of him. I would be having a serious talk with him, and if he cannot respect your wishes while you are in labour then tell him he can stay home and you can take your mum.

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Answered by Wildflower73 - Nov. 5, 2014 10:29am

Writing a birth plan and making sure to make copies to hand out worked good for me. I believe you can talk to your doctor about your concerns. Some hospitals let you say who can be in there & what can/can't happen in your room. Check into that. GL!!

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