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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by mich5225

Q: Father question- not sure if baby is mine. What to do?

I'm in college and had 3 time hook up with girl I barely knew. No judgement- most of us have been there. I didn't use protection the second time-February 2- because she said she was on the pill. On February 20, she tells me she is pregnant with our baby. Says last period was in December though. February 27-she goes to hospital with bleeding/cramps. Says that she lost twin, but the other baby's heartbeat is strong. I question whether it is really mine and she says she hasn't been with anyone else. Ultrasound on March 5. She won't let me go to appointment b/c I will "just ask a lot of questions and make her uncomfortable." She shows me picture. I take it on my own to another OB/GYN office and show to midwife, ob/gyn and ultrasound tech (who has 30 years experience) who say baby is 9 weeks along-was conceived about January 12, but this isn't official.

I tell her all of this. She says there was someone else, but they used protection so it couldn't have been him. What do I do

This question was asked Mar. 13, 2015 5:26pm
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (20)

Answered by mirandacrowell - Mar. 17, 2015 4:02am

idk about the size, because that looks nothing like my son's 9wks5day ultrasound but make sure there's her name, the date, the location of the ultrasound office, etc at the top. if its not there, id be asking some serious questions. if her last period was in december, even december 31st, she'd HAVE to be more than 6wks along. if the first day of her last period was december 31st, than by march 5th she'd be somewhere around 9wks along, not 6wks. and if there were twins, wouldn't that ultrasound be looking a little different? with idk, maybe 2 sacs? google that shit!! this whole thing sounds suspicious, and i know of 2 different woman whom i was friends with that faked pregnancies to keep a man around.

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Answered by zippyzap - Apr. 20, 2015 2:09pm

Hi Mich,

That sounds like a tough situation! A few side notes, I believe there are ways to test for paternity in utero, so you could know before the baby is born and decide on how involved to be. Also, I'd be asking who her insurance carrier is...in most cases the only out of pocket cost for an ultrasound would be the copay (somewhere in the $10-20 range) not a full $200 (or more) out of pocket. I'd say proceed with caution and investigate paternity testing options, and ALWAYS ask for a copy of the invoice/receipt, do not just take her work, or you'll be taken for a ride.

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Answered by mich5225 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:43pm

I came to this website because I've spent the last week comparing the ultrasound picture to six weeks (where it should be if mine) and 9 week (where my ob/gyn opinion said it should be). I wanted to attach the picture to this question, but it wouldn't let me.

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Answered by mich5225 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:02pm

I couldn't include everything in my question. I probably sounded like a big butt to her, but I told her I couldn't get emotionally or financially involved unless paternity test is done. That won't occur until after birth. There were too many discrepancies and doubts about whether I was really the father. If it is mine, I don't want to be "that guy" who isn't supportive but my bs radar keeps going off.

BTW- valuable lessons learned about sex and relationships. I have beaten myself up about that already.

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Answered by stickybean1976 - Mar. 14, 2015 2:23am

I've just looked at the scan pic. I've had 6 pregnancy and a zillion LOL ultrasounds due to recurrent miscarriages. There is NO WAY that scan is 6 weeks. It is definitely further on than that, you can clearly see arm & leg buds starting to form. I would go back to her and confront her. Tell her you know that this scan picture is not a 6w old foetal pole and she what she says. Again I wish you the best of luck for your situation.

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Answered by fanny-melly - Mar. 13, 2015 7:09pm

Go to your profile and you can add the ultrasound pic there . Then we could look at it and tell what we think.

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Answered by Swmmrgrl2 - Mar. 15, 2015 6:42pm

I also agree that it looks more like 9 weeks, judging by my 9 week ultrasound. As far as the numbers go at the top, I believe that I was told that the "cm" is how zoomed in the ultrasound picture is and not a measure of how big the baby is. I also don't believe that any of the other numbers at the top indicate the size of the baby except where it says "GA" which is gestational age and I know that the gestational age on my ultrasound is based on my last menstrual period and not how big the baby is measuring at the time.

I hope that you find an answer soon. :-)

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Answered by CaliTexBaby - Mar. 13, 2015 10:54pm

I'm going to bring up a point, the only protection that is 100% is abstinence, even the pill isn't 100% and the effectiveness goes down if antibiotics are used at anytime. So the baby may be someone else's. You don't know her history and it would make things difficult for you to keep asking something she's not willing to be honest about. I also think the scan looks closer to 9 weeks than 6. However, if I were you, I would ask her what part she wants you to play in this event. To me it only makes sense that if you are the father that you would at least have the right to know how your baby is progressing, that would include asking the fetus' doctor questions about it's health. Plus, my thinking is she's done the most uncomfortable thing one can do, bare all to a stranger, certainly a few questions wouldn't be bothersome.

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Answered by stickybean1976 - Mar. 13, 2015 6:32pm

Sorry your going through this. You don't sound like a bad guy at all. It's a real tough situation as I'm sure you want to be involved if the babies yours but not to get through the next 9mths of invested time and emotion to then find out it's not yours. I don't really have an idea or solution just offering support. We don't often get a Dad on here, I hope other woman might have some ideas for you. You may just have to keep in contact and wait until the baby is born for that paternity test. Best of luck.

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Answered by mich5225 - Apr. 20, 2015 2:18pm

I am the one who asked this question several weeks ago. After much deliberation and fact finding, I told her that even though I was sympathetic to her situation, I couldn't be financially or emotionally involved until paternity is established. There were just too many discrepancies in the information she was providing me. Since I told her this by text, I haven't heard from her. I thought that she would respond by saying, "If you have doubts, let me provide more information" or "why don't you come with me to my next appointment so you can ask the doctor and alleviate any concerns?" Nothing like that- just no response. Very, very strange. I am hoping I called her on her lie and she is trying to reach the guy who is more likely the father- if she really is pregnant. I don't have actual proof of that either since even her ultrasound didn't include her name, date, etc.

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