Questions & Answers

I want to clarify, when I mean for real, forever - if you are thinking of the best interest of your child - you need to make this a true and real cut. You can't be half-in/ half-out with these folks. You need to sever the ties completely to create an environment that is emotionally stable for your child. S/he cannot grow up half in and half out with this people. That will be emotionally traumatizing.

When my parents cut out not just my grandma, but my father's entire side of the family, it was everyone, and it was permanent. That was almost 20 years ago. There was drama for the first month or two I remember, but once all the ties were officially, and completely severed... there was absolutely no communication after. I still have NO communication with anyone from that side, and that is fine with me. I TRUST my parents, and I RESPECT their choice to disconnect from that side. Your child will trust and respect your choice too. But it needs to be a complete and final cut.

I'd prefer not to have them in the hospital, purely because I want it to be a happy time, and I want to be comfortable. I've seen them twice my whole pregnancy and both times they were awful to me. I'm not comfortable having them around me, let alone my new born. My only concern is that if we don't let them come to the hospital things will only get much much worse between us. I truly do wish things were better between us, but we feel that bringing a new born into the world isn't the time to have trial sessions with them. We told them up front as soon as we got pregnant we were not comfortable with them, and they haven't changed at all. I think 9 months is more than enough time to try to change.

Took the words right out of my mouth...
http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/grandparents-rights.html

I can't believe anyone thinks it's their business to tell you the grandparents have any rights - or should have rights. You are the parent, you get to decide who is involved with your children, REGARDLESS of the reason, regardless of blood.

And by the way, the courts really have little jurisdiction or impact on grandparents rights, when both parents are living, together and in a relationship. I love it when members talk about stuff they have NO experience with. Cracks me the hell up :) You are fine KFinzue.

As far as bringing it up, I wouldn't. I wouldn't make an extra effort to forewarn them or tell them ahead of time. When they ask to come visit, say no, not a good time, or tell them then you have decided that you don't want a relationship. But you need to make it a mature, real thing, forever. It cannot be wishy-washy. My parents cut my grandmother out of my life at 7, she was a bitch, that's all. I'm not mad at them, and I'm not scarred. Their choice! I lived.

i have a similar problem with my father and his family... it started about 3 years ago, with them disrespecting my husband..at that point we decided they will no longer be a part of our life. we are adults...we are family but that does not mean we have to tolerate each other.. which would only cause more hate and hurt to go around... so long story short...they have been out of our lives for some time for good reason,,,therfore, them coming to see the baby wont even be an issue, as we havnt spoken to them in so long. why didnt you guys just get rid of the drama long ago if its that bad?? then this wouldnt be a problem...but since they ARE still a part of your lives... (im assuming they are since they have had the chance to do so many mean things) then it makes it a little more difficult to just cut them off from the baby.

I understand this! I feel the same way with some of my grandparents on my fathers side, but luckily for me they live in another state. I was going to avoid telling them, but my dad is so excited he wants to tell them. He also doesn't know how much I dislike them. I think it is probably better to be straight upfront, so they don't feel like you aren't confident in your decision. I think it really helps that your fiance is on your side. Just be straight forward and tell them they are not invited, but don't mention that other people are. That could just be a salt in the wounds type thing. Or, just don't tell them when you go into labor, don't tell them which hospital you'll be at, and don't tell them after you check out. They should get the point and you don't have to have a fight with them. Later on, if their behavior cleans up, then you can invite them over when you aren't in such an emotional state. Good luck!

When it comes to the actual birth, the solution is simple. Don't tell them you're in labor or that you're at the hospital. Don't tell them that you're there at all, even AFTER bub is born and everyone comes visiting such as your own family and friends.
They have no 'right' to be there, regardless of the fact that it's their grandchild being born. And you can instruct the midwives that they are not welcome to visit. If needed, the hospital will call the police to have them forcibly removed.

As for afterwards, well, they can't enter your house legally unless they're invited. It's entirely up to you what you do with that concept.

From your opening post it very much sounds as though you are trying to sly your way out of having them round when ur baby is here, ie. Trying to give birth without them knowing about it etc.

If you feel as though they are a risk then yes absoloutely protect your child from them, but do it in a way that is up front by telling them simply (or getting your other half to since it may be better coming from him) that you wont have them at the hospital causing a scene and stress or cutting off ties with them completely for your babys' sake.

Just be prepared for them to fight if they really want contact as courts will allow them access.

We've already spoken to them about how they treat both of us and what would happened if it did not change. They responded my accusing us (me) of 'using the baby as a tool to get what I want'....all I want is respect..?! I'm not 'using' the baby, im using my best judgment as a mother to determine what is right for our child. If they don't like it then they obviously don't care too much about the baby. We aren't asking for anything ridiculous, just that they act respectful around the baby.
When we told his twin brother (who is probably the worst out of all of them). He threw a tantrum and threatened to try to get custody of the baby. LOL. like any judge would take a child away from its perfectly fit parents because it's uncle is mad he doesn't get to see it! Either way, that just shows the mind set these people have..

'civil dinner' to try to work things out, but they have not ever come over). I'm not comfortable with them coming into our home because there there is no one to keep an eye on the situation, like there is in the hospital. After I give birth the last thing I want to worry about is being safe in my own home.