Questions & Answers

One day you will look back on this situation and realise this is not about you or your partner, but your baby. He or she deserves to have the opportunity to know and build a relationship with their family. When you have kids you have to put old issues aside and do what's right for your kid, it's tough but then parenting is a selfless task.
Of course, if there is genuine risk to that child due to people being unsafe then of course you need to protect them but at best this sounds as if you just don't get along and you are using this baby as a tool to get your wishes.

Could you or your fiance rephrase it to say unless you all start acting nicer to me and respect my fiance and me, then you're not going to be allowed to come around once the baby is here? Maybe that will give them motivation to clean up their acts and start acting better?

It's ultimately up to you and your fiance. Whatever you decide they need to respect it (easier said than done, I'm sure). Good luck!!

i think your husband should consider cutting ties for the safety of his wife and child. should have been done long ago.

First of all I told her I did NOT want a baby shower from her, and have avoided her since long before my pregnancy. So since I didn't want one from her she threw me one and put that his aunts were hosting the shower on the invitations. She literally didn't talk to me about it at all it was (and I'm not kidding you). 'Your baby shower is on this day, his aunts are throwing it, I hope you won't stand them up...'.
Litterally EVERY single one of his immediate family members is an alcoholic, which is yet another thing we don't want around our baby. His brother has threatened to kill me. He's come into my home and literally tore the house apart because he gets mad at me or my fiance. He's abusive to my fiance and has even hospitalized him. He is abusive to his own parents even.
My fiances other brother will turn on anyone on the drop of a dime, one minute he 'loves me so much' and the next he's calling me a whore and telling me I don't deserve to live.

Sadly they know when I'm due, and where I'm having the baby. If I could get away with simply not telling them I would. But I know if we don't tell them we've had the baby they'll be even MORE mad. My MIL got mad because she was throwing me a baby shower and my aunt threw me one first and I quote 'that was just plain MEAN of me'... How is it mean my aunt threw me a baby shower? I didn't realize I needed her permission. So now she always goes on about how I've 'burned her' and 'shell never forget how mean I was'. If we don't tell them when we have the baby it'll only make things worse between us. I just feel like there's no medium with these people ):

I know they'll throw a fit, be even more mad at me (yet another reason to not like me) and talk about me more behind my back.  Should I let them come meet the baby in the hospital or make it clear from the beginning they have nothing to do with it?  I know even if they do come to see us they won't be kind to me, and I won't be happy that they are there.  I want our time in the hospital to be happy-not stressful and full of drama.  What would you recommend?  Let them visit or not? And how do I make it clear we will not be bringing baby around them?  

Another quick point - hospital maternity wards are usually secure areas (double check with your hospital, I'm not sure if it's like that everywhere). Speak to the hospital ahead of time and you may be able to give them a list of people you are happy to have visit you, and a list of people who you absolutely will not receive (and make it clear you don't want to know if they do show).

Best wishes mate!

so she threw you a baby shower but shes not allowed to see the baby ? some people may not know it but grandparents do have right too, if they wanted to take legal action, they would be given the option for visitation. i understand your reasons,...and it does make sense, but do you only want them to stay away from the hospital or to not meet the baby at all ?? you could always tell them you are not having visitors until you get home (just tell everyone else otherwise)