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Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

Asked by Nunchuk

Q: MIL issues! Vent ahead...

I'm getting super frustrated with my mother in law. She's constantly nitpicking at my food choices when I'm either just eating what I'm able to hold down, or I'm not eating what she considers "healthy" (she's nitpicked about the fact that I eat a LOT of fruit.) but she's also commented on my weight, husband's weight, etc. It's annoying no matter how much we tell her we don't care she just keeps doing it.

Tonight she really went too far and told me not to tell anyone when we find out the sex of our kid in December because SHE wanted to tell the family, even though this is our first kid and likely our ONLY kid. I told her I'm telling people when I find out, regardless as we want to reveal the sex of our child first. It's not her place. Instead she's still pushing that she wants to do it on Christmas eve when we aren't even attending (that's another thing she's upset about) even though we'll be announcing it days before after we find out.

Arrgh why? Just why?

This question was asked Nov. 1, 2014 4:39am
Category: Relationships During Pregnancy

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Answers (8)

Answered by Papas~Mama - Nov. 3, 2014 4:27pm

'Unfortunately' nothing, its up to you, take charge! You need to uninvite her to the scan. That would speak to her clearly about many things. If you let her go you're just asking for problems.

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Answered by Nunchuk - Nov. 3, 2014 5:48am

Unfortunately we had agreed to letting her attend the anatomy scan before she started this nonsense, so she's more than likely going to find out then. Otherwise, after that ordeal, she'd not be coming. My husband and I just decided to do our little facebook reveal and just "forget" to block the family so they will see our announcement first. She's NOT going to be happy but hey, this is our kid and she's not respecting that. And she's stubborn and wants things her way and gets huffy if you say otherwise. I love her, but we butt heads something awful. My husband is planning on talking to her later into the pregnancy if she doesn't start backing off.

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Answered by Mmkohl - Nov. 2, 2014 1:01pm

This is childish...I know...but I would make sure she is the last to know the sex of the baby! If she is already planning on being the announcer you can count on her to let it out before you get the chance. OR tell her its the opposite sex so when she blobs it she will feel dumb when you guys reveal the true sex. Sometimes the hey need to be put in place the hard way!

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Answered by gotababylady - Nov. 2, 2014 5:45am

I know just where you are coming from. You can go read a tiny bit of the nonsense my MiL put me through. Sometimes they just don't listen no matter what we do. My MiL is still mad at me and at this point I just don't care. I just smile and let her junk go in one ear and out the other.

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Answered by Nunchuk - Nov. 2, 2014 12:14am

I may be able to speak with my father in law or maybe one of my brother in laws. They completely understand. I don't have a mother figure in my own life, so I guess she tries to fill that and it also kind of bothers me. I doubt my father in law would be able to have much say in our defense, he's an awesome guy, but is a little soft spoken when it comes to her.

My husband and I are planning a very thorough talk with her later into the pregnancy. She is getting too much leeway with her attitude towards us and it's not her place.

That's why I'm asking here, I know many have issues and I know I can get good advice and understanding

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Answered by prinder - Nov. 1, 2014 5:25pm

You are not alone with your experiences. There are many women who have gone through and are going through what you are right now.

Are there other members in the family you can recruit to help? Like other siblings or your FIL who may have more experience with her ways?

Personally, when it comes to my own MIL, I can't and don't bother to muster the energy to care too much about what she thinks or feels about the things we decide to do. If she's mad or upset about it, that's her problem and making it your problem isn't going to change anything. Especially if she's stubborn and refuses to leave you alone about it.

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Answered by Nunchuk - Nov. 1, 2014 2:07pm

My husband has little problem saying anything about it to her. I've already had some issues as well over the baby's potential sex. She's insisting the baby is a boy because SHE wants a grandson. I told her I don't care either way, it's too early to find out. And she just kept on rubbing it into my face that it's going to be a boy, every opportunity she got (text, facebook, to my face, etc) and I had to tell her that she's not allowed to rub it into my face if she happens to guess right. Says she won't, let's see how that goes.

We do firm and polite, but she doesn't back off. She's mad because we're not going to Christmas eve dinner but instead spending it with my dad who I rarely get to see because he's out of town. She told us we can't ever do this to her again and this is the only time she's going to let us do it. Jokes on her, we're planning to alternate years. My dad would like to see his family too.

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Answered by Sianny - Nov. 1, 2014 7:38am

I know myself and many women here feel your pain. My mil refused to talk to us for a week because we didn't attend an evening family function because I and my son hadn't slept in over a week plus many many other things especially as shes always wanted a girl baby so when we first found out, I had to politely remind her that just because a baby girl is on the way my son still exists.
I learned early on that hubby might not always feel able to say something to his mother as she can be more of a brat than most children if she was stood up to so at the end of the day I would use the polite approach and remind her it's what we want, then the firm approach telling her basically that that's how we're doing it and finally ignoring her and doing it our way.
Always be firm but always polite and they can't complain. I always remember that she may throw her toys out of the pram but always gets over it.
stay firm hunni x

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