Questions & Answers

Took the words right out of my mouth...
http://www.andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com/grandparents-rights.html

Court is not something we considered. But if they choose that route then so be it. I have police records of some of the events I mentioned, and plenty of character witnesses. I would not like to see it go that far, but that's their choice, and if they threaten me with it I'm not letting it bull me into letting them around. I truly and whole heatedly believe these people are not safe, not respectful, and not good people to bring my child around. I am an expreamly nice person to everyone I meet and have given them no reason to treat me the way they do. I have given them THREE YEARS to show me ANY sign that I am wrong about them. My fiance love his family dispute how badly they treat him, so it's fine that he sees them. But I personally am not comfortable with it. We decided TOGETHER that it is a bad idea to bring baby around them. I don't mean to be 'sly' and hide when I have the baby, it's fine that they know. It's another thing for them to actually come around.

From your opening post it very much sounds as though you are trying to sly your way out of having them round when ur baby is here, ie. Trying to give birth without them knowing about it etc.

If you feel as though they are a risk then yes absoloutely protect your child from them, but do it in a way that is up front by telling them simply (or getting your other half to since it may be better coming from him) that you wont have them at the hospital causing a scene and stress or cutting off ties with them completely for your babys' sake.

Just be prepared for them to fight if they really want contact as courts will allow them access.

'civil dinner' to try to work things out, but they have not ever come over). I'm not comfortable with them coming into our home because there there is no one to keep an eye on the situation, like there is in the hospital. After I give birth the last thing I want to worry about is being safe in my own home.

If you read my comments below you will see its more than just respect that's an issue. They are mean, violent alcoholics. I am truly thinking of what's right for my child when I say I don't want them around. My fiancé still chooses to see his family, and that is fine. I will not stop him from seeing his family. But I guenuanly believe they are dangerous people, so I am using my judgment to say I don't want them around. We go through periods where we don't talk to them or see them, and then try to come around again and see if things get any better. I love my family very much and want the same for my child, but when people are mean, disrespectful and violent around me I'm not going to risk bringing my baby around them. I was thinking about it and was wondering if maybe I could let them come to the hospital and have a nurse kick them out after they visit for a bit. I don't want them to come to my home (they don't even know where we live, although we have invited them

i have a similar problem with my father and his family... it started about 3 years ago, with them disrespecting my husband..at that point we decided they will no longer be a part of our life. we are adults...we are family but that does not mean we have to tolerate each other.. which would only cause more hate and hurt to go around... so long story short...they have been out of our lives for some time for good reason,,,therfore, them coming to see the baby wont even be an issue, as we havnt spoken to them in so long. why didnt you guys just get rid of the drama long ago if its that bad?? then this wouldnt be a problem...but since they ARE still a part of your lives... (im assuming they are since they have had the chance to do so many mean things) then it makes it a little more difficult to just cut them off from the baby.

One day you will look back on this situation and realise this is not about you or your partner, but your baby. He or she deserves to have the opportunity to know and build a relationship with their family. When you have kids you have to put old issues aside and do what's right for your kid, it's tough but then parenting is a selfless task.
Of course, if there is genuine risk to that child due to people being unsafe then of course you need to protect them but at best this sounds as if you just don't get along and you are using this baby as a tool to get your wishes.

I think you just have to say something vague like, "We know you are excited about the baby but we are going to limit visitors at the hospital. Please do not plan to come there. We will keep in touch with you and let you know when we are home and settled and you can visit us there." This doesn't specifically say you aren't having anyone visit you, but just that you will be limiting visitors.

Since it is your fiance's family, I think he should be the one to communicate this to them. It's so important that you and your fiance present a united front because it your baby and your delivery and no one else's. If they show up to the hospital you should feel totally justified in saying that you and the baby are not up for visitors and you will get in touch with them when you are home.

Good luck! Family drama is the worst! Just make sure you and your fiance are on the same team!

I'd prefer not to have them in the hospital, purely because I want it to be a happy time, and I want to be comfortable. I've seen them twice my whole pregnancy and both times they were awful to me. I'm not comfortable having them around me, let alone my new born. My only concern is that if we don't let them come to the hospital things will only get much much worse between us. I truly do wish things were better between us, but we feel that bringing a new born into the world isn't the time to have trial sessions with them. We told them up front as soon as we got pregnant we were not comfortable with them, and they haven't changed at all. I think 9 months is more than enough time to try to change.

There's much much more... Either way it's more then just respect being an issue to push us to feel the way we do. And it's not just his parents, it's his whole immediate family. We have tried and tried with these people and it's gotten us no where. They are violent, mean, people and have treated me like dirt since day one. They have NO right to see my baby at all, and if they ever do, it's because I'm a nice person. Seeing this baby is a privillage, not a right.