Questions & Answers

There's much much more... Either way it's more then just respect being an issue to push us to feel the way we do. And it's not just his parents, it's his whole immediate family. We have tried and tried with these people and it's gotten us no where. They are violent, mean, people and have treated me like dirt since day one. They have NO right to see my baby at all, and if they ever do, it's because I'm a nice person. Seeing this baby is a privillage, not a right.

I'd say let them visit in the hospital that way they're not at your home, but request a security guard be in there at all times that the family is there for your safety and the safety of baby and your husband. And if you have police records and proof of everything that they have done to you and your husband, then I can guarantee the judge will laugh in their face and would never allow the baby to have visitations with them unless there is a cop there at all times to supervise. I feel for you and your hubby and I am so sorry that you are going through this, but not telling them might make it worse and they may show up at your house and make things A LOT worse.

If you guys have already talked to them and nothing has changed, then I would tell him sometime shortly before you go into labor that things haven't changed, so they are not welcome at the hospital or after. You may be able to talk to the hospital and see if they have a policy in place for 'unwelcome visitors' so that you guys don't have to deal with them.

If edecided I will be letting them visit, but am speaking to the nurses before hand, and will have them shooed out after so many minutes. That way they get to see baby, and I'm not out of my comfort zone. It seems like a nice medium to me.

If you read my comments below you will see its more than just respect that's an issue. They are mean, violent alcoholics. I am truly thinking of what's right for my child when I say I don't want them around. My fiancé still chooses to see his family, and that is fine. I will not stop him from seeing his family. But I guenuanly believe they are dangerous people, so I am using my judgment to say I don't want them around. We go through periods where we don't talk to them or see them, and then try to come around again and see if things get any better. I love my family very much and want the same for my child, but when people are mean, disrespectful and violent around me I'm not going to risk bringing my baby around them. I was thinking about it and was wondering if maybe I could let them come to the hospital and have a nurse kick them out after they visit for a bit. I don't want them to come to my home (they don't even know where we live, although we have invited them

Looney thank you so much! Your post is well worded and I'm glad to hear from someone who's experienced the 'other end' of what I'm talking about!

I think you just have to say something vague like, "We know you are excited about the baby but we are going to limit visitors at the hospital. Please do not plan to come there. We will keep in touch with you and let you know when we are home and settled and you can visit us there." This doesn't specifically say you aren't having anyone visit you, but just that you will be limiting visitors.

Since it is your fiance's family, I think he should be the one to communicate this to them. It's so important that you and your fiance present a united front because it your baby and your delivery and no one else's. If they show up to the hospital you should feel totally justified in saying that you and the baby are not up for visitors and you will get in touch with them when you are home.

Good luck! Family drama is the worst! Just make sure you and your fiance are on the same team!

It sounds to me like you have very solid reasons for not wanting them involved. If your fiance is in agreement with you on how things need to be, then I think it's important that he address the issues and keep you as far away from being involved as possible. The last thing you need right now is any added drama or stress. You can't really just hide it from them, but he needs to draw the line and tell them there are consequences for their behavior and that because of how they treat you, they will not be allowed around the baby.

I sympathize. While my situation is not nearly as hostile or even dangerous, my husband's mom is not stable enough to be around our child (especially alone), and his Aunt is extremely rude to me and makes a point to annoy me on purpose because I don't put up with her childish behavior like everyone else does. My DH and I don't want her to come to the hospital because of her behavior, but she'll hold a grudge. I feel your pain. Do what's best for you and baby.

Figured I'd put that on here, considering so many people responding to this seem to think I'm doing this for my own selfish reasons.
They are dangerous people, I'm using my judgment as a MOTHER to determine they are not safe. People don't seem to to understand I have a reason to say what I'm saying. I'm not doing this to be mean or sneaky. I'm doing this to protect my child.

Court is not something we considered. But if they choose that route then so be it. I have police records of some of the events I mentioned, and plenty of character witnesses. I would not like to see it go that far, but that's their choice, and if they threaten me with it I'm not letting it bull me into letting them around. I truly and whole heatedly believe these people are not safe, not respectful, and not good people to bring my child around. I am an expreamly nice person to everyone I meet and have given them no reason to treat me the way they do. I have given them THREE YEARS to show me ANY sign that I am wrong about them. My fiance love his family dispute how badly they treat him, so it's fine that he sees them. But I personally am not comfortable with it. We decided TOGETHER that it is a bad idea to bring baby around them. I don't mean to be 'sly' and hide when I have the baby, it's fine that they know. It's another thing for them to actually come around.