Questions & Answers

First of all I told her I did NOT want a baby shower from her, and have avoided her since long before my pregnancy. So since I didn't want one from her she threw me one and put that his aunts were hosting the shower on the invitations. She literally didn't talk to me about it at all it was (and I'm not kidding you). 'Your baby shower is on this day, his aunts are throwing it, I hope you won't stand them up...'.
Litterally EVERY single one of his immediate family members is an alcoholic, which is yet another thing we don't want around our baby. His brother has threatened to kill me. He's come into my home and literally tore the house apart because he gets mad at me or my fiance. He's abusive to my fiance and has even hospitalized him. He is abusive to his own parents even.
My fiances other brother will turn on anyone on the drop of a dime, one minute he 'loves me so much' and the next he's calling me a whore and telling me I don't deserve to live.

so she threw you a baby shower but shes not allowed to see the baby ? some people may not know it but grandparents do have right too, if they wanted to take legal action, they would be given the option for visitation. i understand your reasons,...and it does make sense, but do you only want them to stay away from the hospital or to not meet the baby at all ?? you could always tell them you are not having visitors until you get home (just tell everyone else otherwise)

Sadly they know when I'm due, and where I'm having the baby. If I could get away with simply not telling them I would. But I know if we don't tell them we've had the baby they'll be even MORE mad. My MIL got mad because she was throwing me a baby shower and my aunt threw me one first and I quote 'that was just plain MEAN of me'... How is it mean my aunt threw me a baby shower? I didn't realize I needed her permission. So now she always goes on about how I've 'burned her' and 'shell never forget how mean I was'. If we don't tell them when we have the baby it'll only make things worse between us. I just feel like there's no medium with these people ):

If you guys have already talked to them and nothing has changed, then I would tell him sometime shortly before you go into labor that things haven't changed, so they are not welcome at the hospital or after. You may be able to talk to the hospital and see if they have a policy in place for 'unwelcome visitors' so that you guys don't have to deal with them.

I understand this! I feel the same way with some of my grandparents on my fathers side, but luckily for me they live in another state. I was going to avoid telling them, but my dad is so excited he wants to tell them. He also doesn't know how much I dislike them. I think it is probably better to be straight upfront, so they don't feel like you aren't confident in your decision. I think it really helps that your fiance is on your side. Just be straight forward and tell them they are not invited, but don't mention that other people are. That could just be a salt in the wounds type thing. Or, just don't tell them when you go into labor, don't tell them which hospital you'll be at, and don't tell them after you check out. They should get the point and you don't have to have a fight with them. Later on, if their behavior cleans up, then you can invite them over when you aren't in such an emotional state. Good luck!

We've already spoken to them about how they treat both of us and what would happened if it did not change. They responded my accusing us (me) of 'using the baby as a tool to get what I want'....all I want is respect..?! I'm not 'using' the baby, im using my best judgment as a mother to determine what is right for our child. If they don't like it then they obviously don't care too much about the baby. We aren't asking for anything ridiculous, just that they act respectful around the baby.
When we told his twin brother (who is probably the worst out of all of them). He threw a tantrum and threatened to try to get custody of the baby. LOL. like any judge would take a child away from its perfectly fit parents because it's uncle is mad he doesn't get to see it! Either way, that just shows the mind set these people have..

Could you or your fiance rephrase it to say unless you all start acting nicer to me and respect my fiance and me, then you're not going to be allowed to come around once the baby is here? Maybe that will give them motivation to clean up their acts and start acting better?

It's ultimately up to you and your fiance. Whatever you decide they need to respect it (easier said than done, I'm sure). Good luck!!

I know they'll throw a fit, be even more mad at me (yet another reason to not like me) and talk about me more behind my back.  Should I let them come meet the baby in the hospital or make it clear from the beginning they have nothing to do with it?  I know even if they do come to see us they won't be kind to me, and I won't be happy that they are there.  I want our time in the hospital to be happy-not stressful and full of drama.  What would you recommend?  Let them visit or not? And how do I make it clear we will not be bringing baby around them?